I Ride The Bus

I decided to explore my town a bit and see where I could get riding the free bus lines. To be honest, the real impetus was to get a combo meal at the local Wendy's Restaurant. Luckily though, the day was a beautiful 70 degrees and there was enough sunshine to cheer up about anyone.

While sitting at the bus stop (on a nice bench) I was joined by the second of many riders getting on at my stop. His name was Kelly, he was 22 years old, a Steamboat native, and he had Downs Syndrome.

At first, Kelly was not talkative. His behavior was somewhat anxious and he kept spying on me out of the corner of his right eye. He would retrieve things from his bag, in an effort to bring attention to himself, so I began to glance over occasionally just to let him know I was curious too.

He read the local paper for about 40 seconds, took a few pictures of the trees next to us, and kept muttering how late the bus always was. Kelly was humorous to watch. I thought I should break the ice and ask him something so I muttered, "Are you a photographer?" He responded, "Oh, yes! I take lots of pictures." It was then that his attention was diverted away by three attractive women arriving. The women proceeded to walk past the stop and into the Starbucks beside us, Kelly looked disappointed.

After finding out some details of Kelly's life, our bus arrived and we both boarded. Taking seats at separate ends of the bus, Kelly and I didn't speak again. I got off at my stop and watched the bus whir away into traffic. What a strange 20 minutes.

Upon my return to campus I mentioned my encounter to a co-worker. He was amused and shared with me that he knew Kelly and his parents. He shared the following story about Kelly which really made my chance encounter more rewarding:

He said that Kelly was a wrestler in highschool. He wrestled for Steamboat's team in a weight class that didn't have another wrestler in it. One meet, Kelly ironically had to face the county champion who had a perfect record (72 and 0). Before the match the coach from the opposing team took his top wrestler aside and informed him that he would wrestle Kelly (with Downs Syndrome) and that he should take it easy on him. Then, the match began...

This other wrestler, who would likely have gone undefeated all season, took his first and only loss that day. It was not necessarily the prowess of Kelly on the mat, but a young champion wrestler who decided that Kelly needed a win as much as he did that day and he handed Kelly the victory.

Never before had Kelly won, and afterward strutted around the gymnasium elated that he had beaten the top wrestler in the county. I am not sure it made the paper, but it certainly spread word of mouth around town. Kelly was a champion.

Not sure how this story meets you today. Not sure if you are proud of the champion wrestler, or upset because he gave a freebie to Kelly, exploiting him publicly. I was just thankful to meet some of Steamboat's History at the local bus stop today. You never know who you might see, if we only were privy to the stories all around us.

One Who Heals

Recently in a graduate couseling course I read Henri Nouwen's book, "Wounded Healer" (1972). I was asked to remark on several key quotes and I came across a discovery I wanted to discuss. As I was writing my response paper I had a brief flashback to an early time in my life when my parents gave me a bookmark with my name, it's origin, and meaning printed on it.

My name is Jason, which translates from the Greek, "One Who Heals." At the time I wondered whether this prophetic bookmark was telling me I was going to be a doctor. Later, I began to realize a draw toward helping professions such as education, ministry, psychology, and medicine.

As I look back I wonder how much of our calling or vocation is determined by others expectations of us, outside sources and experiences, or even the meaning of our name. I wonder if anyone else out there has a similar story of their name aligning with their current calling or vocation (I am in Education now) and whether you have ever thought of this before.

Check out your name's definition and let me know what you think of my theory...

Transferable Skills

I have the privilege of working with students at a public college in the western US. In my role where I live-in with students much of my private life is viewed by students. I am a Christian, and while I am somewhat limited in how much of my private life I share (e.g. faith) with students, it still remains the lens with which I view the world and more importantly mankind.

In my previous position I was able to have complete freedom in the area of sharing my faith with students. In fact, it was considered the most important tool for building community, counseling hurting students, modeling leadership, and casting a vision and strategy for the team. Now that it isn't part of my repertoire (at least verbally) what am I to use?

I wonder if there are certain skills or qualities from my faith that would transfer to this role of living-in with students? If I am limited in the scope and direction I can convey my faith, what skills and qualities, unique to being a person of faith, might still be useful?

Maybe several of you work in public settings where your faith-view is considered intolerant or unpopular. What are the key skills and qualities that transcend environment? How can a Christian make a difference in a public work setting without being hostile to the non-believer, and without shortselling his faith?

Doing some updating to the blog, and major changes are coming in the future to the blog (stay tuned).

I may take a short break for a couple weeks while I move out of my house, check back later...

Jmak

The Passion, The Burden, The Calling

My wife and I were posed with this question recently in one of our marriage devotional books: "What is your passion, your burden, and your calling?" Think about your answers for a minute. The adjectives seemed to describe similar things from different angles, but as I began to think more deeply about them I realized the following answers emerged...

For me, my passion (or what excites me) is my graduate studies. My burden (or what troubles me) is the affects of legalism in a Christian's life. My calling (or who God is leading me too) was tougher to figure out for me, in between jobs I had always used my ministry position (job) to define this. Of course this topic is probably best said in a blog all its own, but calling is tough for me to discern right now specifically, but I believe it to generally be college age students.

I began to wonder how my life might look if the three aforementioned areas all had the same answer? For instance: What if my passion was sharing God's word in a winsome way, my burden was for those who normally reject the word of God because it is not relevant, and my calling was to a secular public college campus? These three seem to line up really nicely. Almost like a no brainer? What do you do if there seems to be no link between the three?

Maybe finding this link (or trying to create it) is a pipe dream? Maybe this is middle earth's way of trying to make sense (purpose) out of the randomness of the faith journey? Maybe we just need to do the best with what we have? Can you pray for a burden? Can you pray for all three of these to line-up? Are the really effective Christian's the one's who have these three aligned? What are the implications of having or not having congruence in the areas above?

Any thoughts? Share your three as well so I know where you are coming from...

A welcome-mat for malicious programs

OK, I realize it has been months since my last post, but I have been on the nether regions of this thing called cyberspace investigating several fascinating new ideas-- besides looking for a new job... The Perfect Blog, and how I can get one, and how to rid my laptop of all that is Microsoft (I loathe it to be honest).

There seems to be no way to live 'Microsofter' without going Linux or buying a Mac. so I have spent the better part of 90 man hours this month trying out Mozilla's Firefox browser and Thunderbird news reader and email client. These two stand alone pieces of software are the regal-beagle in my book. Never have I felt so trusting as well as excited to try out FREE programs in my life. They rule. Hey Mac.heads take a look see at Camino and let me know how it rates against whatever OSX offers.

Trying these two has single handedly thrust me into an 'open-source' love affair with millions of code writers worldwide. I have to thank my friend Eric for heading me in the right direction when we discussed (over IM) the difference between Blogspot's RSS/XML capabilities and Wordpress' PHP style. I still don't understand it all yet (which may be obvious for the PHP-saavy who just read this) but I aim to find out. The look alone is worth the jump (take a gander at Luke or Eric).

And some updates for hose of you nay-sayers... dream-squashers... cynics. I received my beautiful iPod that I teased you about in earlier posts. "Over 16,000 shipped!" they claim on their website. Music never sounded so good.

Well, just wanted to drop a quick note and let you know I am alive, well, and officially un-employed. I am heading to grad school (California) for 2 weeks and plan to blog-galore while I am there.

Until then... I think I am gong to name my next child 'mozilla' regardless of the gender.

JMAK
jmak@apu.edu (new email!!)

Ironic

Just a comment on my last two posts. I posted a thought provoking picture with Mother Thersa about two weeks ago. It was in response to a book I am reading called Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger. This book outlines some of the causes of poverty in the world and how evangelicals seem to turn their head to the epidemic. While world poverty has improved in the last twenty years (since Sider first published his book) the new 20th Anniversary edition reminds that 34,000 children still die each year from starvation. While Starbucks is kept in business by overweight Americans (illustration mine).

My latest post featured a plee from *me* to click on a link and help me earn a new IPod from a website. I am 4 people shy of finishing the requirements and hopefully by May will be listening to the new white mp3 player. This post caused 8 friends to email me and another 85 to click on my link and check things out. One friend has even tried the contest for himself.

It is ironic the things that get our attention in this world? I have written 2 blogs about an IPod and have spent time online, as well as coaxing friends into helping me out and I have not attempted to help world poverty (let alone local poverty) at all.

What needs to happen is that UNICEF needs to team up with Apple and offer an IPod to everyone who gives $200 to disaster relief or sponsors a child. Seems silly, but why has one of my blogs gotten much attention while the other never got a response? Both were short and to the point, but one required something... it required me to care, not about what I would get but what I could give.

I hope I grow up one day and stop being a consumer and think about being a contributer?

Free Ipod?

I recently popped onto freeipods.com to see if I could get into the action of this REAL giveaway of the hottest mp3 player for 3 years running. My assumptin was that it was a scam, but one weary night I gave in and committed to try at least. Once on the site things looked promising, it was a well designed site, nice index page, great links, fairly reputable looking (I'd shopped on worse!) So, I dove in. At first I did not understand the rules very well, it was laid out clearly, but I guess in my impatience I ordered from several companies and only needed to order from one (oops).

Anyways, after I received several of my products I was still unable to get me referrals to go to the site and try it out (you need 5 for th ipod, 8 for the flat screen TV). I am still at 1 referral who has signed up, but 11 more are looking into it. So, click on the link above and give it a try. If I get four more folks I'm a new ipod owner, you wanna be next?

JMAK

Poverty (part 1)

On Being Black

Originally written 02.18.05 as a graded assignment for a graduate class on diversity

Reflection
This topic, diversity, makes me a bit uncomfortable. I have been taught that it is a big deal. I was taught to tread lightly when speaking about it in the company of those who are white, and avoid it in the company of anyone who was a minority, especially anyone black. Now, this was not specifically said to me, but I saw it modeled and picked up on at a young age the inconsistency shown to people of color.

I never learned to speak of minorities without using labels, it seemed the easiest way to describe who I was speaking about, and if you said it to my family and extended family it carried with it an unspoken connotation of fear and lower socioeconomic status. Several examples of this come to mind as I journal today. My great grandmother, while driving us back home in East Grand Rapids, Michigan, would encourage us to count the black people we saw from our back seat vantage as she reached for the door locks and asked us to lock them as well. I was roughly ten at the time, and my sister eight, we thought it was like a road trip game and played willingly. She would tell us how the neighborhood she lived in, where my great grandfather had built their house and fifty others in the area was slowly becoming blacker and her fear was evident.

No one ever discussed this openly at family potlucks or anything, but we avoided contact with minorities like the plague. No minority ever attended our church, or friend circles. I remember my great uncle and aunt caused an uproar when, unable to have children, adopted two Korean toddlers. They were both University professors and provided a great home for the two children. We visited once and recently at a family reunion I saw these cousins and we laughed that it had been twenty years since we had seen one another. It was not by chance, my whole family wrote them off. They are known as the “black sheep” of our family.

Because of my heritage I often assume minorities keep away from me too. This bothered me for a long while. I guess I assume they see me as a white, educated, ignorant republican. These alone are damaging, but lump them all together with being a Christian and the stereotype is perfect; white, Anglo-Saxon protestant. Ironically, I have adopted to not use labels to be divisive anymore. I have many friends from different ethnic groups then myself.

From the above descriptions it is evident to me that I have an uphill battle to rightly discern what role diversity will play in my life. A brief definition for me would include being knowledgeable of the history of intolerance and oppression, compensating for these differences in your spheres of influence including your own friendships, and seeking to diversify environments for the sake of harmony. I will likely read this after the course and say something to the extent of, “What was I thinking, that does not even scratch the surface.” I feel like diversity is a serious issue that demands deep inquiry from anyone who seeks to be authentic in their role as a human and as a Christian. It really is a human rights issue. Everyone has to deal with it and everyone should.

The word is often overused in my circles and has come to represent some sort of extra knowledge that does not relate to the average white person, when in actuality it could be the impetus for a real breakthrough in many of their lives. For my life it has caused me to face old fears that have been left unexamined and therefore, unchecked in my psyche. To become a true contemplative Christian I need to interact with the idea of diversity and make it an active goal.

A Catalyst for Change
I have felt strongly for some time that one great contribution I will make in the field of student affairs is becoming a bridge between the homosexual community and Christian Higher Education, and eventually the Church. I cannot explain how I am going to do this yet, I just sense, as a Myers-Briggs intuitive-feeler would sense, that it will happen. The beliefs that seem to be hurdles for a person of faith tend to be one of behavior as well as original design. How can someone be a believer and have this sort of behavior as well? How can someone be created by a holy God with this affliction? These are key questions that I’ll need to examine. Similarly, how can believers continue to hate and ignore the community needs of those who are homosexual? If history is a guide it could be thirty years before reconciliation is made. I believe that if we are to use the bible to refute the homosexual position we are treading on thin ice. The Church is notorious for using slivers of scripture to defend their Doctrines. I also know that this refutation is fueled not by love, but by fear and hatred. That is how I know it isn’t authentic. I will have to get to the core of why I and Christians in general, protect the gospel like some commodity we own when it was intended as a free gift. These ideas are the points of tension in this area I’d like to enact change within.

Race as Social Construction
As I read the assigned pages and articles I was made even more aware of other’s perception of being white in America. The article: Waking up White: What it means to accept your legacy for better or for worse, reminded me of how I have come to embrace diversity. I believe that it was not until college that I began to unravel my past perceptions and form my own. Tragically, it was not until this Master’s class that I actually began asking the hard questions and reading challenging material. To be near the beginning of a transformation like this and have to write about it in this journal is difficult. I feel very out of touch with myself and will likely need time after this class to process what these readings are teaching me. However, to reflect on what I have learned is fairly easy. I am learning that the chasm between my perception of being white and others perception of me being white is vast. A lingering question is how much responsibility I need to take for these contrasting perceptions? Can changing my early formed attitudes of racial identity actually help the problem? As a white person I sometimes ask myself, “Is there a problem?” This question is answered more often, yes, then it is no, especially after reading these assignments.

Some notable things challenged or caught my attention from the readings. One of these was the statement, “…almost every student who enters a course that deals with the issue of race… enters the room on the first day with strong feelings” (Rothenberg, p. 1). I admit that I too came with a barrage of feelings and was unsure how this course would unravel the mess for me. I chuckled when I heard that APU recently added diversity as one of its core competencies for this program. Now, after interacting with my fellow students and experiencing the Museum of Tolerance I am glad they did. Several sentences later Rothenberg (2001) explains that if we don’t learn how to handle our feelings now about diversity the journey will not ever really begin (p. 1).

Marion or Bust
This last week I spent time re-connecting with my friends Nate and Latrese about my class and hopes I had about utilizing them as resources. I remember asking Nate about his role as a mentor to me. I felt uncomfortable as I reiterated my desired outcome for our time together. I told him that I wanted to be able to process my ignorance with him, discuss relevant writings on diversity, hear his struggle as a black man on a predominantly white Christian college campus, and somehow despite it all, continue to nurture our friendship. Even though I have been friends with Nate for years my request sounded like I was just interested in him for his skin color. He was gracious and said we needed to start somewhere. I hope to approach this next six weeks with good listening skills and an open heart. I am grateful that I am still here in Marion as this class unfolds instead of in a new position like I will be this July. I have a chance to walk this issue out amongst friends who understand my culture and the culture we work in, namely, Christian higher education.

I will close with an illustration of how I blundered in my journey of multicultural competence. One student who is a babysitter for my son is from Korean heritage. I was talking with her and another student while making copies one day. She began telling me about her recent engagement and how her father was supporting her financially in the decision to marry this summer. I asked her where her dad was from and she said Germany. I tried not to look surprised, because it was obvious that she was Korean, not German. It then dawned on me that she likely had a mother who was Korean then, so I asked her where her mother was from; thankfully she didn’t pick up on the need for me to make sense out of her ethnicity. She told me her mother was from Germany too, and without giving me time to ponder and question more with a silly comeback like, “Wait a minute, you are not fooling me, it is obvious you are Korean,” she kept talking dreamily of how wonderful her fiancé was. After she left, the other student, who was white, looked at me and said, “Didn’t you know she was adopted?” A bell went off in my head right then and reminded me how ignorant I can be sometimes.

I'd love to hear your journey or opinion on he issue, please reply via comment

References
Rothenberg, P. (2001). Race, class, and gender in the United States. (fifth ed.). Worth Publishers. New York, NY

Dualistic Thinking

My comments on Rudy Olivo's posting on sing-songy smurfarrific Christians

Thanks Rudy for bringing up the discussion I need to revisit from time to time. For me, my Christianty is a tension (or imposter identity) I bring out when I am around Christians. I have another guy I bring out around worldly folks, and I must admit that I like him better, he is more like William Wallace, Brennan Manning... Russell Crowe?

The imposter (on one side) and the cynic (on the other side) seem to be the two sides of the pendulum I swing between in my journey as a maturing believer. Not sure why this happens, but in my environment (all Christian young people, and Boomer Christians) I find the imposter-guy readily on my tongue for a quick quip during bible study, spontaneous prayer moments, and how-ya-doing dude greetings to every passerby on the sidewalk. He is a fake and pretty much runs my life (even my inner life sometimes).

The cynic is much more refreshing [irony mine] and I admit, he rarely comes out; only when I want to "connect" with a college student, or stumble upon some great spiritual breakthrough or truth (only to be stifled by the imposter again).

This dualism (made light of here for purposes of making my point) was brought painfully to my attention during the scene in Two Towers where Gollum/Smeagol interract at a reflective moonlit pool while Sam and Frodo slept. Remember this scene, it was breathtaking for me. Rent the movie (even just for this scene).

Anyway, not sure which guy will win out, but I am NOT convinced the imposter is truly Godly, and I am unsure whether the cynic will ever experience joy (at least not around Christians).

Anyone care to sort out this mess for me (am I being to dualistic?)

jmak

On Blogging Effectively

I have read a ton of blogs lately. Well, not read them thouroughly, but have read them like you would corelary reading for a college class, or a billboard as you drive by on the highway, something like that. Anyway, below are some principles I have observed that seem to work for the better blogs out there. If you disagree or would like to add your two cents, leave a comment.

"The Medium Is The Message"
In this image driven culture it is important that your blog looks attractive. It does not seem to matter as much that the content is post-worthy as long as the layout is easy on the eyes and invites the reader to look around a bit.

"Clever Wording Wins Respect"
Blogs that are just thrown up in a *rant* style where the author is really too passionate and close to the issue to write well doesn't commuicate the passion the author is feeling. In fact, these type of blogs come across like a soapbox (and never use the word soapbox, please buy a thesaurus). The blogs worth reading are the ones where the author writes a first draft and then lets it marinate for a few days (or at least hours). Great writers (like my friend Dave Drury or Eric Nentrup) probably have a file with several ideas that are marinating and can pull one out in a pinch and put form to it, like a lump of clay, when they need to. And to be considered worth the weekly read you really need to expand your vocabulary a bit. One hint: use microsoft Word to compose your draft and when you read through it and see an oridnary word that could use some sprucing up, right-click on it and scroll down to synonym/thesaurus and a list of neato substitute words appear for the picking, try it. Or, just make up a big word, most people will believe you know what you are saying, this works for most pastors.

"Pace Yourself"
If you find yourself posting daily to your blog please stop. This is too often and nobody has anything good to say everyday not even you (no offense). If you publish daily your style will begin to change from decent columnist to teenage gossip column. Do you really want to read my feelings about why I chose a certain food for lunch today? Well, I don't want to read your feelings on the subject either. Blogging is best crafted seasonally. Which means, wait until a few days pass and you have gained perspective on a series of events, reflective bloggers are better than reactive ones.

"Brevity is the Soul of Wit"
I can look at a blog and if I have to scroll down-arrow twice on my browser it is to long for me to read. I have resisted reading several close friends blogs (maybe this one?) because they cannot make their point in three paragraphs or less. If you force yourself to this size you find you will begin to write better. I learned this from a professor of mine on college.

"Learn the Basic HTML Tags"
If you have no idea what I am talking about keep reading, otherwise skip ahead. HTML is the basic "coding" that most webpages are written in. HTML allows us to see things in bold or italics or underlined or even linked leading to another website. When you begin to use these tags embedded into your blogs they make you appear like you have earned the right to post using the web, you understand the language. It is the same respect you show while visiting another country, you learn to ask "where is the bathroom" so you don't end up pissing out back in the woods. Try visiting here for some help. Otherwise, ask a friend who is between 13-22 (or an older guy who likes Macs) they can likley help. When you have perfected HTML, there are several new generations of languages that will rock your world, look into them.

"Never use Internet Explorer"
Ok, this is a low-blow, but the best way to enjoy the web and your favorite blogs is not with IE. It's bulky, slow, territorial, and some conspiracy theorsists believe it is a sign of the end times. (every windows PC comes packaged with it?) Anyway, try out FireFox as an alternative browser, or better yet buy a MAC. You'll fall in love with browsing all over again.

Any Other Thoughts?

Final Days

This is a fluid list of things "I hope happen" in my final days before I leave Marion, Indiana; a place I have called home since 1993:

1. Go to an Indiana Pacer's basketball game (Reggie Miller's last season)
2. Eat dinner with President Jim Barnes & Wife
3. Pee off of the roof of the CM building
   
4. Speak once in Chapel
5. Be a rock star and perfom at the Crema concert night
6. Care to Suggest others for me? (if they are reasonable I'll do them since oyu can't!)
   

Fetzer and Feltzy

Ever lose touch with some good friends and then had both of them pop-up on your radar in the same week? It happened to me this week when two old college buddies got in touch with me from out of the blue.

Jeff (Fetzer) Cobb and Jason (Feltzy) Feltz got in touch with me over the phone this week. It is another one of the items on my "Final Days" checklist of stuff I hope happens before I leave Marion, Indiana.

These two guys are likley my closest two friends from college and tragically I haven't kept in touch with either of them very well. As a tribute, here is the story of how I met each of them:

FETZER was a squirrely middle schooler who rode my bus to the local Crestwood Middle School in Kentwood, Michigan. I did not remember him even though he lived two blocks from me in our neighborhood. I must have made an impression though because one day he recognized me in our 8th grade History class and struck up a conversation.

SOME BACKGROUND seems important here. I had just moved with my newly divorced mother and little sister from eastern Denver, Colorado where I was born and raised. From a middle class family I came to the new middle school without a friend and began performing poorly in school and got in with the wrong crowd--the "stoners" in middle school who seemed to take anyone in their group. Wether it was a dare or just plain compassion, Fetz talked to me in History one day.

HISTORY class was a joke. Well, at least I thought it was and so I spent several sessions just talking to Fetz in the back of the room during lectures. One day I remember the teacher saying something about catching Aids off of a door handle and Fetz and I lost it in the back of the room. I am not sure what about the discussion was so funny, but we couldn't contain ourselves. We were both thrown out of the classroom and made to sit in the hall. Thus would begin a long history of the adventures of Jeff and Jason (his name is mentioned first because he was the most notorious of the two of us,... regardless of what his Mom says.)

THE INVITE I got later in the year was to visit Fetz's home church (Kentwood Community) where te youth group was huge (100+). I was grateful and asked my mom. She was hesitant and had to make sure this "Wesleyan" church wouldn't tarnish my Dutch heritage. It was here that I came to understand a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and later asked him to be my personal Savior. A decision that has impacted my life more than any other.

THE INTERVENTION came well into our highschool career. Jeff and I had been friends through thick and thin (and lots of Mountain Dew). But my mother (newly married now) was growing skeptical of Fetz and his lassaiz faire attitude toward "the disciplined way" of good Christian boys. So, one day she gave me the ultimatum: I had to dissolve my freindship with Jeff and vow not to see him anymore. No choice, just a mandate-- or else! I remember telling him one day in the church parking lot. We both cried, but knew somehow we would find away around this road block.

COLLEGE came and he went to the local Community College for a year and then went to Indiana Wesleyan. I went to the appropriate Reformed school of the elect, Hope College (not Calvin). We both changed so much and rarely saw one another. After two years at Hope I contacted Fetz one day to see how he was doing. Our talk ended with him convincing me to fill out an application to transfer. The next year I was attending IWU.

FELTZ and I met when I transfered to IWU the fall of 1993. We both lived in Williams Hall (the last great structure on IWU's campus). I was an RA at Hope and wanted to continue this ministry while at IWU. The RD wouldn't hire a new guy, so he asked me if I wanted to be Hall President instead. I thought this sounded fun and said yes. Unknown to me was that Jason Feltz (returning leader) was hoping to be Hall President too. I didn't know him, but learned right away that the RD had set us both up for an awkward situation. Jason (with his gracious spirit and love for Williams Hall) resigned to be the Vice President that year and the two of us worked closely on RHA starting many new traditions and setting a vision of community for that hall.

RA HIRING was that spring of 1994 and Jason and I both wanted to be RA's in our beloved hall. Jason got to stay, but I was shipped out to the apartment staff and spent a year in Phillippe Court with the psycho unit from Hell. Jason and I used our experience that year and decided to appply for ARD of Williams our last year. I was given the job and Jason stayed on staff as RA. By this time we both joked about the back and forth competition we had for the same positions. It became funny instead of a source of tension to us.

THE DREAM of both of us was to be RD's, but Jason was hired as Williams Hall's last RD while I worked at Admissions, unable to get an RD job. The joke had emerged again, but this time we were proud of each other's accomplishments and were just happy to be working near one another.

WHEN I WAS MARRIED the summer of 1996 Feltz and Fetzer both stood up with me at my wedding. They have been my closest friends throughout life and I am proud of each of them. I am grateful for their modeling in my life and would not be the man that I am today if it were not for them. Love you guys!

~Jmak

Mortality

My father called me Thursday from a hospital in Denver, Colorado. I was surprised to hear from him since he was on vacation. His vacation was cut short because of mysterious pains he was having in his chest, so he went to the ER. He had my attention now and I figured everything was cool since he was calling me himself and sounded fine. But what he told me next sent fear through my spine, the kind of fear you get moments after a startling scene in a scary movie, the kind of fear you have after waking up from an out of control dream that left you in a cold sweat. Ever had that feeling?

My dad was admitted to the ER and they couldn't discover the source of his pains. They were worried about his heart though, see, about ten years ago when he was 52 my father suffered a severe heart attack. The incident led him to quad-bypass surgery which would drastically alter his life from then on. Usually, if you make it eight years after heart surgery you are in the clear so to speak. Not that you aren't still cautious of heart related things, but you have a great chance of long life if the eight year mark is passed. Here we were at ten and he is back in the hospital with what appears to be heart related pains.

The truth, after multiple MRI's and stress tests, was that my dad's gall bladder was bad, which in turn aggravated his liver, which in turn aggravated his heart and made his MRI look bad. It was imperative that this 62 year old get surgery, fast. Each step of the process was critical, even though this type of surgery is so common and rarely serious. I spoke with him on several occasions and each time he sounded groggy and depressed. I wondered if he would make it through this procedure.

The entire time between calls I wrestled with the fragilness of life. What if my dad died on the table? What if he emerged, but was never the same physically? What if I am prone to the poor heart problems of my grandfather, uncle, and father? I admit, I began to think more about myself than my poor father on the eve of his surgery. What a weekend.

My father made it through surgery well, and I spoke to him Sunday afternoon. He sounded better, but had endured great pain through stress tests, allergic reactions and gall stones. He is a fragile man at a young age, will this be my fate too?

Each of us considers his own mortality at times in his life. Whether it is during a movie, watching a real accident occur, or having a loved one die the thoughts can paralyze. As a 32 year old I have a reckless view on mortality; I don't fear death and even mock it at times. I have never had any near-death experiences and have only buried grandparents, not a parent or sibling or child or spouse. But this event shook me. I am not sure what ramifications this "scare" will have on me this coming week?

What perceptions do you have on death right now? If you're like me, you don't ever think about it. Tomorrow, a friend of mine, Tarah, will address the student body here at the University I work at and tell her story of how her husband (of 1 year) died on the table at the hospital both of them worked at as health professionals. Her story is gut wrenching and unbelievable, wrought with emotional pain so twisted that it has wrapped itself around everything she is. I got a taste of that this weekend.

Take a moment and be honest about mortality, is your view one that claims, "Life is short, so play hard." Or even, "I have so long, why worry about that?" Whatever your philosophy, you will die one day in this flesh. How do you feel about that?

"Quitting Your Job"

This month is likely going to be the busiest I have ever had. That is my disclaimer to my good friends who will not hear from me because I am on the job hunt. Along with millions of migrating Americans, I too am making a move in my career. Won't bore you with the details, but here are a few strategies that have helped me make the transition:

> Do something new through your position the last 4 months you hold it. It is easy to see the end so why not capitalize on the last 4 months by doing a new thing, it will look good on a resume and will refresh your perspective for the transition ahead-- get your head out of your current situation. Ideas include: Pastor (go to a differing church occasionally), Education (mentor a freshman student), Politics (get a friend in the Green party). I started 3 new student groups, and decided to volunteer for our multicultural student affairs office (great stuff).

> Ask your biggest critic to offer some parting advice for you as you transition, and extract as much truth out of it as possible for 1 night, then burn the notes and take only the things you decide are worth changing. I did this with an administrator in my department, it was useful for me and allowed them to heal from some hurts they had against me.

> Renew an old friendship. While I am beginning to do this, it helps refresh me and remind me there are people who love me for me, they remember the good times, and the good times will come again.

> If married, involve your spouse in the search. It has helped my wife to prepare for the move and get excited about the possibilities. If you are not married, drop a weekly email to some trusted friends about your search update, it will often yield some great advice.

> Recognize any issues you have with your current employer (supervision, direction, choices they have made, etc...) They are likely to re-emerge as you move to another employer. My issues have changed very little and I have seen them emerge in 3 different positions, you'd think I would learn. Don't let the necessity of getting a job cause you to settle for the same environment that rubs you the wrong way--unless you are ready to deal with it and come to peace with it.

> If your issues are certain people, never talk about them to others, especially co-workers. Your most trusted co-worker might accidently share with their trusted friend and now, too many people know. When that person finds out how you really feel about them it will hurt and you may not be represented acurately. Best to go to the person or keep the comments to your diary (plus it's gossip).

> Use your last months to thank those who have invested in you the last (however many) years. I have begun doing this, and you would be surprised at how many people didn't know they had impacted me or have never had someone take the time to reflect by thanking them. Good advice anywhere you are.

OK, I have lot's of other advice, but everyone's situation is different, so be uniquely you. Hope these help, please respond with your comments, I'd benefit from them.

Luke Middleton's Writing P l a y g r o u n d: Pastoral poker

Guest columnist this week: Luke Middleton (old friend)

Sick As A Dog

I'm sitting in front of my wood burning stove on a Sunday night sweating off a cold I've had for days. The Colts just got outplayed in round one of the playoffs, loosing to the Patriots 20-3 in what many will call Payton's worst game of the year. For the record, it wasn't his fault, four passes were dropped by receivers and their defensive strategy wasn't wise enought to repel the Pats offense. So much for a nice Sunday of great football, unless your from the Northeast.

It's official: almost all of my friends have a blog now. I won't offer any wisecracks about web-blogs because I have my own (since 10/04), but it's ironic that late twenty-somethings love these things. All of us (Nentrup, Drury, Bethay, Makowsky) never get a word in edgewise when were together, always so much to say--now we can read it all in one sitting... I miss you guys.

Power Has Returned

From January 5-10 much of Central Indiana was without power following damage from an ice storm that hit the area after New Years. My wife and son and I spent the 5 nights in sevreal dorms on campus (well I spent 2 nights in the house in 30 degree temps because I like my pillow).

On top of that, my leadership staff arrived the 7th and I was in full-swing by the 8th with my job here at IWU. We had students arriving the 10th and were crossing our fingers power would be restored before the mass of students arrived the 11th. Luckily, power was restored at 630pm on the 10th and you would have thought it was a New Year's celebration. Everyone was hugging and yelling and singing. We really do need our electricity in this electronic age.

Update: Christmas was a blast. 2 nights in Illinois with Mel's family and 5 nights in Minneapolis with my sister. Followed by 5 nights with the Cnadian relatives visiting us in Marion for New Year's. What a great time. This spring we are job hunting, we'll keep you posted on where we end up moving. Until then... jmak