- Go to an Indiana Pacer's basketball game (Reggie Miller's last season)
- Eat dinner with President Jim Barnes & Wife
- Pee off of the roof of the CM building
- Speak once in Chapel
- Be a rock star and perfom at the Crema concert night
- Care to Suggest others for me? (if they are reasonable I'll do them since oyu can't!)
Feb 23, 2005
Final Days
This is a fluid list of things "I hope happen" in my final days before I leave Marion, Indiana; a place I have called home since 1993:
Fetzer and Feltzy
Ever lose touch with some good friends and then had both of them pop-up on your radar in the same week? It happened to me this week when two old college buddies got in touch with me from out of the blue.
Jeff (Fetzer) Cobb and Jason (Feltzy) Feltz got in touch with me over the phone this week. It is another one of the items on my "Final Days" checklist of stuff I hope happens before I leave Marion, Indiana.
These two guys are likley my closest two friends from college and tragically I haven't kept in touch with either of them very well. As a tribute, here is the story of how I met each of them:
FETZER was a squirrely middle schooler who rode my bus to the local Crestwood Middle School in Kentwood, Michigan. I did not remember him even though he lived two blocks from me in our neighborhood. I must have made an impression though because one day he recognized me in our 8th grade History class and struck up a conversation.
SOME BACKGROUND seems important here. I had just moved with my newly divorced mother and little sister from eastern Denver, Colorado where I was born and raised. From a middle class family I came to the new middle school without a friend and began performing poorly in school and got in with the wrong crowd--the "stoners" in middle school who seemed to take anyone in their group. Wether it was a dare or just plain compassion, Fetz talked to me in History one day.
HISTORY class was a joke. Well, at least I thought it was and so I spent several sessions just talking to Fetz in the back of the room during lectures. One day I remember the teacher saying something about catching Aids off of a door handle and Fetz and I lost it in the back of the room. I am not sure what about the discussion was so funny, but we couldn't contain ourselves. We were both thrown out of the classroom and made to sit in the hall. Thus would begin a long history of the adventures of Jeff and Jason (his name is mentioned first because he was the most notorious of the two of us,... regardless of what his Mom says.)
THE INVITE I got later in the year was to visit Fetz's home church (Kentwood Community) where te youth group was huge (100+). I was grateful and asked my mom. She was hesitant and had to make sure this "Wesleyan" church wouldn't tarnish my Dutch heritage. It was here that I came to understand a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and later asked him to be my personal Savior. A decision that has impacted my life more than any other.
THE INTERVENTION came well into our highschool career. Jeff and I had been friends through thick and thin (and lots of Mountain Dew). But my mother (newly married now) was growing skeptical of Fetz and his lassaiz faire attitude toward "the disciplined way" of good Christian boys. So, one day she gave me the ultimatum: I had to dissolve my freindship with Jeff and vow not to see him anymore. No choice, just a mandate-- or else! I remember telling him one day in the church parking lot. We both cried, but knew somehow we would find away around this road block.
COLLEGE came and he went to the local Community College for a year and then went to Indiana Wesleyan. I went to the appropriate Reformed school of the elect, Hope College (not Calvin). We both changed so much and rarely saw one another. After two years at Hope I contacted Fetz one day to see how he was doing. Our talk ended with him convincing me to fill out an application to transfer. The next year I was attending IWU.
FELTZ and I met when I transfered to IWU the fall of 1993. We both lived in Williams Hall (the last great structure on IWU's campus). I was an RA at Hope and wanted to continue this ministry while at IWU. The RD wouldn't hire a new guy, so he asked me if I wanted to be Hall President instead. I thought this sounded fun and said yes. Unknown to me was that Jason Feltz (returning leader) was hoping to be Hall President too. I didn't know him, but learned right away that the RD had set us both up for an awkward situation. Jason (with his gracious spirit and love for Williams Hall) resigned to be the Vice President that year and the two of us worked closely on RHA starting many new traditions and setting a vision of community for that hall.
RA HIRING was that spring of 1994 and Jason and I both wanted to be RA's in our beloved hall. Jason got to stay, but I was shipped out to the apartment staff and spent a year in Phillippe Court with the psycho unit from Hell. Jason and I used our experience that year and decided to appply for ARD of Williams our last year. I was given the job and Jason stayed on staff as RA. By this time we both joked about the back and forth competition we had for the same positions. It became funny instead of a source of tension to us.
THE DREAM of both of us was to be RD's, but Jason was hired as Williams Hall's last RD while I worked at Admissions, unable to get an RD job. The joke had emerged again, but this time we were proud of each other's accomplishments and were just happy to be working near one another.
WHEN I WAS MARRIED the summer of 1996 Feltz and Fetzer both stood up with me at my wedding. They have been my closest friends throughout life and I am proud of each of them. I am grateful for their modeling in my life and would not be the man that I am today if it were not for them. Love you guys!
~Jmak
Jeff (Fetzer) Cobb and Jason (Feltzy) Feltz got in touch with me over the phone this week. It is another one of the items on my "Final Days" checklist of stuff I hope happens before I leave Marion, Indiana.
These two guys are likley my closest two friends from college and tragically I haven't kept in touch with either of them very well. As a tribute, here is the story of how I met each of them:
FETZER was a squirrely middle schooler who rode my bus to the local Crestwood Middle School in Kentwood, Michigan. I did not remember him even though he lived two blocks from me in our neighborhood. I must have made an impression though because one day he recognized me in our 8th grade History class and struck up a conversation.
SOME BACKGROUND seems important here. I had just moved with my newly divorced mother and little sister from eastern Denver, Colorado where I was born and raised. From a middle class family I came to the new middle school without a friend and began performing poorly in school and got in with the wrong crowd--the "stoners" in middle school who seemed to take anyone in their group. Wether it was a dare or just plain compassion, Fetz talked to me in History one day.
HISTORY class was a joke. Well, at least I thought it was and so I spent several sessions just talking to Fetz in the back of the room during lectures. One day I remember the teacher saying something about catching Aids off of a door handle and Fetz and I lost it in the back of the room. I am not sure what about the discussion was so funny, but we couldn't contain ourselves. We were both thrown out of the classroom and made to sit in the hall. Thus would begin a long history of the adventures of Jeff and Jason (his name is mentioned first because he was the most notorious of the two of us,... regardless of what his Mom says.)
THE INVITE I got later in the year was to visit Fetz's home church (Kentwood Community) where te youth group was huge (100+). I was grateful and asked my mom. She was hesitant and had to make sure this "Wesleyan" church wouldn't tarnish my Dutch heritage. It was here that I came to understand a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and later asked him to be my personal Savior. A decision that has impacted my life more than any other.
THE INTERVENTION came well into our highschool career. Jeff and I had been friends through thick and thin (and lots of Mountain Dew). But my mother (newly married now) was growing skeptical of Fetz and his lassaiz faire attitude toward "the disciplined way" of good Christian boys. So, one day she gave me the ultimatum: I had to dissolve my freindship with Jeff and vow not to see him anymore. No choice, just a mandate-- or else! I remember telling him one day in the church parking lot. We both cried, but knew somehow we would find away around this road block.
COLLEGE came and he went to the local Community College for a year and then went to Indiana Wesleyan. I went to the appropriate Reformed school of the elect, Hope College (not Calvin). We both changed so much and rarely saw one another. After two years at Hope I contacted Fetz one day to see how he was doing. Our talk ended with him convincing me to fill out an application to transfer. The next year I was attending IWU.
FELTZ and I met when I transfered to IWU the fall of 1993. We both lived in Williams Hall (the last great structure on IWU's campus). I was an RA at Hope and wanted to continue this ministry while at IWU. The RD wouldn't hire a new guy, so he asked me if I wanted to be Hall President instead. I thought this sounded fun and said yes. Unknown to me was that Jason Feltz (returning leader) was hoping to be Hall President too. I didn't know him, but learned right away that the RD had set us both up for an awkward situation. Jason (with his gracious spirit and love for Williams Hall) resigned to be the Vice President that year and the two of us worked closely on RHA starting many new traditions and setting a vision of community for that hall.
RA HIRING was that spring of 1994 and Jason and I both wanted to be RA's in our beloved hall. Jason got to stay, but I was shipped out to the apartment staff and spent a year in Phillippe Court with the psycho unit from Hell. Jason and I used our experience that year and decided to appply for ARD of Williams our last year. I was given the job and Jason stayed on staff as RA. By this time we both joked about the back and forth competition we had for the same positions. It became funny instead of a source of tension to us.
THE DREAM of both of us was to be RD's, but Jason was hired as Williams Hall's last RD while I worked at Admissions, unable to get an RD job. The joke had emerged again, but this time we were proud of each other's accomplishments and were just happy to be working near one another.
WHEN I WAS MARRIED the summer of 1996 Feltz and Fetzer both stood up with me at my wedding. They have been my closest friends throughout life and I am proud of each of them. I am grateful for their modeling in my life and would not be the man that I am today if it were not for them. Love you guys!
~Jmak
Feb 13, 2005
Mortality
My father called me Thursday from a hospital in Denver, Colorado. I was surprised to hear from him since he was on vacation. His vacation was cut short because of mysterious pains he was having in his chest, so he went to the ER. He had my attention now and I figured everything was cool since he was calling me himself and sounded fine. But what he told me next sent fear through my spine, the kind of fear you get moments after a startling scene in a scary movie, the kind of fear you have after waking up from an out of control dream that left you in a cold sweat. Ever had that feeling?
My dad was admitted to the ER and they couldn't discover the source of his pains. They were worried about his heart though, see, about ten years ago when he was 52 my father suffered a severe heart attack. The incident led him to quad-bypass surgery which would drastically alter his life from then on. Usually, if you make it eight years after heart surgery you are in the clear so to speak. Not that you aren't still cautious of heart related things, but you have a great chance of long life if the eight year mark is passed. Here we were at ten and he is back in the hospital with what appears to be heart related pains.
The truth, after multiple MRI's and stress tests, was that my dad's gall bladder was bad, which in turn aggravated his liver, which in turn aggravated his heart and made his MRI look bad. It was imperative that this 62 year old get surgery, fast. Each step of the process was critical, even though this type of surgery is so common and rarely serious. I spoke with him on several occasions and each time he sounded groggy and depressed. I wondered if he would make it through this procedure.
The entire time between calls I wrestled with the fragilness of life. What if my dad died on the table? What if he emerged, but was never the same physically? What if I am prone to the poor heart problems of my grandfather, uncle, and father? I admit, I began to think more about myself than my poor father on the eve of his surgery. What a weekend.
My father made it through surgery well, and I spoke to him Sunday afternoon. He sounded better, but had endured great pain through stress tests, allergic reactions and gall stones. He is a fragile man at a young age, will this be my fate too?
Each of us considers his own mortality at times in his life. Whether it is during a movie, watching a real accident occur, or having a loved one die the thoughts can paralyze. As a 32 year old I have a reckless view on mortality; I don't fear death and even mock it at times. I have never had any near-death experiences and have only buried grandparents, not a parent or sibling or child or spouse. But this event shook me. I am not sure what ramifications this "scare" will have on me this coming week?
What perceptions do you have on death right now? If you're like me, you don't ever think about it. Tomorrow, a friend of mine, Tarah, will address the student body here at the University I work at and tell her story of how her husband (of 1 year) died on the table at the hospital both of them worked at as health professionals. Her story is gut wrenching and unbelievable, wrought with emotional pain so twisted that it has wrapped itself around everything she is. I got a taste of that this weekend.
Take a moment and be honest about mortality, is your view one that claims, "Life is short, so play hard." Or even, "I have so long, why worry about that?" Whatever your philosophy, you will die one day in this flesh. How do you feel about that?
My dad was admitted to the ER and they couldn't discover the source of his pains. They were worried about his heart though, see, about ten years ago when he was 52 my father suffered a severe heart attack. The incident led him to quad-bypass surgery which would drastically alter his life from then on. Usually, if you make it eight years after heart surgery you are in the clear so to speak. Not that you aren't still cautious of heart related things, but you have a great chance of long life if the eight year mark is passed. Here we were at ten and he is back in the hospital with what appears to be heart related pains.
The truth, after multiple MRI's and stress tests, was that my dad's gall bladder was bad, which in turn aggravated his liver, which in turn aggravated his heart and made his MRI look bad. It was imperative that this 62 year old get surgery, fast. Each step of the process was critical, even though this type of surgery is so common and rarely serious. I spoke with him on several occasions and each time he sounded groggy and depressed. I wondered if he would make it through this procedure.
The entire time between calls I wrestled with the fragilness of life. What if my dad died on the table? What if he emerged, but was never the same physically? What if I am prone to the poor heart problems of my grandfather, uncle, and father? I admit, I began to think more about myself than my poor father on the eve of his surgery. What a weekend.
My father made it through surgery well, and I spoke to him Sunday afternoon. He sounded better, but had endured great pain through stress tests, allergic reactions and gall stones. He is a fragile man at a young age, will this be my fate too?
Each of us considers his own mortality at times in his life. Whether it is during a movie, watching a real accident occur, or having a loved one die the thoughts can paralyze. As a 32 year old I have a reckless view on mortality; I don't fear death and even mock it at times. I have never had any near-death experiences and have only buried grandparents, not a parent or sibling or child or spouse. But this event shook me. I am not sure what ramifications this "scare" will have on me this coming week?
What perceptions do you have on death right now? If you're like me, you don't ever think about it. Tomorrow, a friend of mine, Tarah, will address the student body here at the University I work at and tell her story of how her husband (of 1 year) died on the table at the hospital both of them worked at as health professionals. Her story is gut wrenching and unbelievable, wrought with emotional pain so twisted that it has wrapped itself around everything she is. I got a taste of that this weekend.
Take a moment and be honest about mortality, is your view one that claims, "Life is short, so play hard." Or even, "I have so long, why worry about that?" Whatever your philosophy, you will die one day in this flesh. How do you feel about that?
Feb 6, 2005
"Quitting Your Job"
This month is likely going to be the busiest I have ever had. That is my disclaimer to my good friends who will not hear from me because I am on the job hunt. Along with millions of migrating Americans, I too am making a move in my career. Won't bore you with the details, but here are a few strategies that have helped me make the transition:
> Do something new through your position the last 4 months you hold it. It is easy to see the end so why not capitalize on the last 4 months by doing a new thing, it will look good on a resume and will refresh your perspective for the transition ahead-- get your head out of your current situation. Ideas include: Pastor (go to a differing church occasionally), Education (mentor a freshman student), Politics (get a friend in the Green party). I started 3 new student groups, and decided to volunteer for our multicultural student affairs office (great stuff).
> Ask your biggest critic to offer some parting advice for you as you transition, and extract as much truth out of it as possible for 1 night, then burn the notes and take only the things you decide are worth changing. I did this with an administrator in my department, it was useful for me and allowed them to heal from some hurts they had against me.
> Renew an old friendship. While I am beginning to do this, it helps refresh me and remind me there are people who love me for me, they remember the good times, and the good times will come again.
> If married, involve your spouse in the search. It has helped my wife to prepare for the move and get excited about the possibilities. If you are not married, drop a weekly email to some trusted friends about your search update, it will often yield some great advice.
> Recognize any issues you have with your current employer (supervision, direction, choices they have made, etc...) They are likely to re-emerge as you move to another employer. My issues have changed very little and I have seen them emerge in 3 different positions, you'd think I would learn. Don't let the necessity of getting a job cause you to settle for the same environment that rubs you the wrong way--unless you are ready to deal with it and come to peace with it.
> If your issues are certain people, never talk about them to others, especially co-workers. Your most trusted co-worker might accidently share with their trusted friend and now, too many people know. When that person finds out how you really feel about them it will hurt and you may not be represented acurately. Best to go to the person or keep the comments to your diary (plus it's gossip).
> Use your last months to thank those who have invested in you the last (however many) years. I have begun doing this, and you would be surprised at how many people didn't know they had impacted me or have never had someone take the time to reflect by thanking them. Good advice anywhere you are.
OK, I have lot's of other advice, but everyone's situation is different, so be uniquely you. Hope these help, please respond with your comments, I'd benefit from them.
> Do something new through your position the last 4 months you hold it. It is easy to see the end so why not capitalize on the last 4 months by doing a new thing, it will look good on a resume and will refresh your perspective for the transition ahead-- get your head out of your current situation. Ideas include: Pastor (go to a differing church occasionally), Education (mentor a freshman student), Politics (get a friend in the Green party). I started 3 new student groups, and decided to volunteer for our multicultural student affairs office (great stuff).
> Ask your biggest critic to offer some parting advice for you as you transition, and extract as much truth out of it as possible for 1 night, then burn the notes and take only the things you decide are worth changing. I did this with an administrator in my department, it was useful for me and allowed them to heal from some hurts they had against me.
> Renew an old friendship. While I am beginning to do this, it helps refresh me and remind me there are people who love me for me, they remember the good times, and the good times will come again.
> If married, involve your spouse in the search. It has helped my wife to prepare for the move and get excited about the possibilities. If you are not married, drop a weekly email to some trusted friends about your search update, it will often yield some great advice.
> Recognize any issues you have with your current employer (supervision, direction, choices they have made, etc...) They are likely to re-emerge as you move to another employer. My issues have changed very little and I have seen them emerge in 3 different positions, you'd think I would learn. Don't let the necessity of getting a job cause you to settle for the same environment that rubs you the wrong way--unless you are ready to deal with it and come to peace with it.
> If your issues are certain people, never talk about them to others, especially co-workers. Your most trusted co-worker might accidently share with their trusted friend and now, too many people know. When that person finds out how you really feel about them it will hurt and you may not be represented acurately. Best to go to the person or keep the comments to your diary (plus it's gossip).
> Use your last months to thank those who have invested in you the last (however many) years. I have begun doing this, and you would be surprised at how many people didn't know they had impacted me or have never had someone take the time to reflect by thanking them. Good advice anywhere you are.
OK, I have lot's of other advice, but everyone's situation is different, so be uniquely you. Hope these help, please respond with your comments, I'd benefit from them.
Feb 1, 2005
Luke Middleton's Writing P l a y g r o u n d: Pastoral poker
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