College Reflections

Originally Entitled: Purpose for the Journey
Submitted by Jason Makowsky
Indiana Wesleyan University

In partial fulfillment of the requirements for CSA552 Dr. Carol Lundberg 09/10/04

Purpose for the Journey
There was a sense of excitement as our class shared a visual representation of this assignment during our course time this summer. I had recorded the details of this assignment before many times, but not like now, knowing I would need to analyze it in a final paper citing theorists who explain the phases I passed through as my college years unfolded. This assignment will add a special element of purpose for writing my facts down. The purpose I refer to here not only speaks to the theorists who will illuminate these stages, but also to my quest for purpose during this phase of my life.

Characterizing myself before college would simply be to say I was sheltered, maybe even a wallflower of sorts. I was raised in a sheltered home, with a religious upbringing despite divorced parents. I sought acceptance from others, especially male role models whom I loyally followed. Thankfully, I found the company of positive influences. Therefore, I entered college like most freshman, seeking friends who accepted me. I even remember a leadership assessment I took right before entering college, its discovery: I was a natural born follower. My years before and during my first year of college follow what Perry would call a dualistic stage of development. My desire to major in mathematics, and later religion were fueled by a right and wrong view of the world. I was taught that my Christian heritage was the right way and others were wrong, I came to appreciate mathematics for the same reason, it offered concrete solutions that were either right or wrong. I was a student who very much followed what I was told to do. The choice to choose a religious college was based on this phase or position of dualism as well.

I chose to go to the most expensive religious college I could get into, unlike my friends who went to State schools. This ended up being my denominational college, and from a lower-middle class family I was provided with much financial aid. My time in college was very influential and can be explained best by four friends I met while attending.

My decision to pursue Mathematics as a major introduced me to a good friend named Jo. She was also very active in Inter Varsity as well as the music groups on campus. We had almost every class together and she introduced me to all the active Christians. I also met Lee, who was my RA in college. He got along with everyone and earned the respect of a very diverse dormitory wing of students that he supervised. He told me my first week that he thought I could be an RA next year because I seemed to get along well with everyone. His encouragement prompted me to apply that spring to replace him when he left. He modeled how to empower someone by bringing out their strengths. My roommate Rob probably spoke into my life more than anyone. It was more than the fact we shared everything from clothes to cologne; he had magnetism that everyone was drawn to, especially the ladies. He was the most eligible bachelor on campus and that made me popular. He could talk to anyone and make the conversation deep. I watched Rob and emulated his skills in connecting with people. I also randomly attended a church in the area and met a college pastor named Dave. He immediately took an interest in my spiritual journey and became a mentor to me. I choose these four people because they also personify the four areas of vocation I considered throughout my college years, music, student affairs, counseling and ministry. My journey was somewhat reflected in my friendships with them. However, more than vocation, they each were with me during shaping moments in my college career.

My freshman year I rushed and pledged a fraternity on campus with seven other guys in my dormitory wing, which included my roommate Rob. The fraternity was a terrific experience that single-handedly brought me out of my shell and forced me to do things that were out of my comfort zone. Schlossberg characterizes this as a transition (Evans et al, 1998), in that it changed my relationships and daily life significantly. I chose to limit my peer group to those in the fraternity, began attending its events and assumed my social status in light of my belonging to its membership. It also introduced me to temptations I had never experienced before and left me unsupported in making positive choices. The fraternity is also where I began to open my mind to other points of view and behaviors. This is characteristic of Perry’s multiplicity position (Evans et al, 1998). I look back now upon my time in the fraternity with mixed feelings, however, I see how it shaped my development.

My college pastor Dave met with me several times before I pledged the fraternity and cautioned me to the perils of joining such an organization. I dismissed his fears as one-sided, but agreed to meet with him regularly whether I joined or not. This is again a reflection of my transition from following what a positive male role model would say (Perry’s dualism) to disagreeing while maintaining my own diverse view (Perry’s multiplicity). While Dave was influential, he moved my sophomore year, but he planted a seed that eventually challenged me to transfer after my second year.

My sophomore year I became an RA in my dormitory. My previous RA, Lee, had prepared me for the job and I found an eclectic group of friends on this coed staff. I encountered such a variety of student interactions that year I decided I would be an RA every year I was able, I loved it. I realized that I had stumbled upon an area of fit for me and was grateful to Lee for his prompting. This variety was helpful for me as I phased into Perry’s multiplicity of thinking. The diverse relationships I encountered and desire to be a leader among my peers transitioned me, not just into thinking more openly, but also believing differently. This is similar to someone who is phasing past a stage five in Perry’s model. My cognitive development (thinking) was influencing my ethical development (believing).

My friend Jo and the rest of our Chapel Choir toured Europe the summer after my sophomore year. The experience opened my eyes and was deeply moving. I had so much time to think and process during that trip that I realized I did not know who I was. I went to college to become someone and after two years had become someone other than myself. It was very disturbing as I looked back upon half of my college career and had compromised beliefs and behaviors I had cherished growing up. Upon my return, I decided to quietly transfer over the summer and begin anew at another school. I also sensed a peace in my prayer time about changing while this dissonance ruled in my mind; though I honestly wondered if I was running. This running sent me back to a more dualistic thinking phase which Perry’s model allows for as one retreats in their cognitive development (Evans et al, 1998), or at least moves into a resting position, or temporize (Perry, 1968) as they try to understand experiences. Maybe transferring was a chance for me to rest in my development and chew on these new experiences.

I remember an assignment I had in an education class where we each had to craft a mask from materials the professor had provided and then explain how the mask represented us. My mask was colorful and flamboyant, but I now doubted if the mask was ever the real me.
After transferring, I fine-tuned my vocation and focused on some other areas of my life, such as a different major and a less narrow peer group. This transition of independence was important because I made a decision that would affect my friendships, time commitment and financial resources. I broadened my support network and was now confident, social and easily fit in with all groups on campus. My desire for acceptance disappeared and I became focused on pleasing God with my life. This led to a series of shaping moments that caused me to “grow up” faster than I had planned.

The year I transferred, my father had a massive heart attack at the age of fifty two. He was young, so I thought, "would I need to worry about my health now?" I wrestled with my fleeting youth and talked to my father often. Our relationship grew and I remember him saying he thought me a spiritual mentor to him. I had become to him what I always desired him to be with me. This was a significant role transition for me in two ways: I had to consider the adult issues of mortality as well as the reversal of seeing my parents as leaders. I was able to move through this transition with success as I took responsibility for my health and also the role I would play in my father’s life from henceforth. I viewed both of these lessons as assets in my new ability to manage my life on my own.

Later that year, I got involved with some of the leaders of a local large church college group. After serving with this team and seeing God bless our ministry, several of us considered dropping out of college and planting a church out east. I was dating my wife at this time and we both spoke to our parents about the real possibility of this option. We decided to finish our degrees as several good friends left and pursued this dream. This again illustrates the ownership I had taken with my life direction as I considered what life would look like without college as a backdrop.

Looking back, college changed me drastically. As I examined the theories of Schlossberg and Perry I have come to understand my development in a new scope. My earliest college days were characterized by dualism of thought, but became open to a multiplicity of ideas as new people and schemas presented themselves. My thinking was forced to change and in turn my beliefs were challenged to change as well. Perry (1981) stated, “It is in one’s way of affirming Commitments that one finds at last the elusive sense of ‘identity’ one has searched for elsewhere” (p. 97). My choices have brought me on a journey of cognitive growth throughout college that appears to be linear, although, Perry’s model does not specify one must move through these phases in any order. Similarly, Schlossberg’s Transitions model has proved to be a fine framing tool to examine the “shaping moments” referred to earlier. I have come to see each of these moments more deeply for what was occurring within me and around me while they transpired. My decisions to pledge a fraternity, transfer to another school and possibly plant a church were integral to my current identity. They have caused me to grow. Schlossberg asserts that, “Transitions may lead to growth, but decline is also a possible outcome, and many transitions may be viewed with ambivalence by the individuals experiencing them” (Evans et al., p. 112). I admit that while I was moving-into and through a transition I was sometimes upset by them, but by the time I was moving-out of a transition I understood its usefulness to my development. I believe Schlossberg would consider this appraisal part of how I came to understand or cope with my transitions.

In retrospect, this assignment was very enlightening and caused me to seek even more theorists from the text as I sought to put meaning to my college years.

References

Evans, N., Forney, D. & Guido-DiBrito, F. (1998). Student Development in College: Theory, Research and Practice (pp. 107-145). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Perry, W.G., Jr. (1981). Cognitive and ethical growth: The making of meaning. In A.W. Chickering & Associates, The modern American college: Responding to the new realities of diverse students and a changing society (pp. 76-116). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Perry, W.G., Jr. (1968). Forms of intellectual and ethical development in the college years: A scheme. New York: Holt, Rhinehart & Winston.